Women's Counseling Network

Listening is the key to successful interactions. Try to hear the other person's feelings in what they are saying. The words may mean something different to the speaker than to the listener. Ask rather than assume you know what the other person is meaning to say. It's important to hear what the speaker means to say. Their body language can help you to understand.

Use "I" statements instead of "you" statements. For example, say, "I feel hurt when you don't hear what I am saying." This reduces the need for the other person to defend her or himself, and increases the possibility that you may be heard and understood for what you meant to say. Better yet, consider "we" statements.

Clearly say what you want from the other person. For example, say that you want the other person to listen and to not try to fix it. You are capable of fixing your own problems when you feel heard and supported.

Avoid offering solutions or answers to the other person when they share their feelings and thoughts. We all want to be heard, and we all seek closeness from sharing.

Empathize with the other person when you can. Empathy entails a true understanding of the other person.

Sharing your feelings and thoughts will increase your feeling of closeness and satisfaction with your relationship.

Be aware of when you emotionally disconnect from another person. Identify the feelings that cause you to distance. Decide if the other person can listen to your feelings and engage in reconnecting through mutual sharing of